last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
