he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
