p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
