you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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