Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
