She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
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you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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