It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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