i was rollin on her like bob the builder
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
