I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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