is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
