My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
