remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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