The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
