I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
