there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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