Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
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All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
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I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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