Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
