i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
