wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
