no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
