we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
