fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize