Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
