We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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