I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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