I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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