Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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