Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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