My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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