How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
