a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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