Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
