DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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