Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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