By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
