Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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