And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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