I could make wine with my vomit
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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