Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
