So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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