Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
