By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
then he tried to convert me to islam
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
