i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
