There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
