dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize