my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
