Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
