its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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