At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
