I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
