i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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