Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
