I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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