Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
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He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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