We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
