DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
