Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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