you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
