Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
