My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
