I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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